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Oh my poor sweet Mr. Banks. I have done you a disservice.
st paul's
godblog
All these years I've gone on and on about how I didn't want to be like Mr. Banks. And all these years I've missed the fact that there is not just one Mr. Banks. There's the original, tragically uptight Mr. Banks, and there's the reformed version, who is an awesome role model.

Specifically, an awesome role model for me, because of all the times I've been sacked in my life. I stopped counting at ten. And even though I work for myself now, I still have all this 'I'm a person who's been repeatedly fired' shame and insecurity hanging around. I still constantly expect to be 'fired' by my clients, dumped by my friends, and thrown out of my home.

All those times and not once did I listen to this adorkable father figure who's been part of my life since I was five.



'Sacked, discharged, flung into the street, for a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go DOWN, la la la la la la-la-la...'

THAT, ladies, gentlemen, and the rest of you, is how I want to respond to 'being fired' and the fear of 'being fired', by clients, friends, or anyone else.

'Being fired' situations are so painful on the human level. On the illusory level where everyone is separate, and everything is finite, and I am other people's opinion of me, and money is ugh I'm not even going to talk about all the illusions we have about money.

And on the divine level? On the real level? WOW! Opportunity! Blown wide open! Seeing the world more upside-downish! The wind of God whistling through the punched-out crown of your bowler hat! The crumbling of the Tower! REVOLUTION! For a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go DOWN, la la la la la la-la-la...

Oh, Mr. Banks. I am so sorry it took me thirty years to get that you were telling me this all the time. I love you. <3

And this means that I can now revisit all that past pain from all the times I was fired, and Mr. Banksify it. To reframe all that shame, punishment, and bitterness as wild liberation, the blowing-away of old stuck patterns and attachments and limits, blowing me wide open to the wind of God. And I can remember all the times when I really have felt that wind blow through me after loss and rejection, and when I've seen it happen to others as well. I'm just realising that I've been weirdly blessed to experience that so many times. I'm a house that's been aired out over and over again.

I don't expect 'being fired' not to hurt from now on, but at least I know what it is now. And I can use that to transform the fear of 'being fired' as well. If I complete the piece of work I've got now, which is the first of an ongoing business relationship that could really help me? Yay, opportunity! And if I don't, if I get 'fired'? Wow. Opportunity.

And of course - upside-downish as it sounds - that makes me feel a lot more like getting on and doing the work...

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I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. <3

To reframe all that shame, punishment, and bitterness as wild liberation, the blowing-away of old stuck patterns and attachments and limits, blowing me wide open to the wind of God. And I can remember all the times when I really have felt that wind blow through me after loss and rejection, and when I've seen it happen to others as well.

Just, thank you. <3 <3 <3

Oh, I'm so glad this resonated with you. I was wondering if that was partly why it showed up in my head right now. Love you SO much too!!! <3<3<3

Reading this post was... important for me, today. Especially as I appear to be getting big epic Calls just at the moment. Not *for* anything in particular, as yet, other than, "be the Gods' Elly, as much as possible". But, you know. To be ready. To know that I'm still loved. To know that the Gods are finding a big fuck-off Purpose in all that's happened.

And to be blown wide open to the wind of God(s). Which is a phrase that is going to stay with me.

I'm still feeling scared, and small, and depressed, and anxious. But a bit more hopeful. You've helped with that, and I can't thank you enough. <3

(Incidentally, I've offered to run a Meeting as usual at Bardcamp. Nothing from Catriona as yet, but she is Somewhat Busy just now. ;-) If one doesn't get scheduled, are you up for having an informal one over the weekend? I'm also wondering about just grabbing each other for 15 minutes or so every day, to ground ourselves and pray and open ourselves to the Light and the Wind, and help Bardcamp be for both of us (and indeed all of us!) exactly what we truly need. :-) )

Edited at 2013-01-06 11:17 pm (UTC)

Oh my goodness, SO MUCH YES to all of this!

You are so totally right about that perspective flip from "Argh, I've been rejected, I am ashamed and not good enough" to "Whew, I am so glad to be out of that thing that REALLY wasn't working out, before things got even worse".

I seriously don't have all this stuff figured out. But I've been in situations like that as well and have had the feelings you're talking about, so this is sort of a comment of solidarity :) And also, you've just reminded me to get some self-employment-related things done, so thanks for that too!

Edited at 2013-01-06 06:34 pm (UTC)

That destuckification novena is still having results for you, I see!

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